Blood and Chocolate

Mixed feelings for this book. Most of them good, some bad…
Will be doing a video review of it for Sunday with a short update video on Wednesday.

Sunday's Video News

Hey guys, the Bitch here, just wanted to give you a heads up that I might not have a video made for Sunday. I just recently found IRL employment and it kinda cuts straight into my video-making time of the day (this will change as my sleep schedule evens out again) so there might not be a new video until Wednesday.

Laughing at Haters

It's actually really very funny when people decide that, because I didn't like something they liked or because they're friends with someone who wrote something I didn't like, they'll white knight for that person and try to get me to shut up.
I will not shut up. The harder you try to silence me, the louder I will yell. I do not take kindly to people attempting to silence me for my opinion. If I say that something reads as though a 7 year old wrote it, that is my opinion. I am entitled to it. I can post a video expressing that opinion if I so choose.
Calling me a bully after bitching at me about my choices and the fact that I have 9 subscribers on youtube (for a REASON, says one fellow!) is kinda hypocritical.
You will never silence the Book Bitch. If you want to change my mind about something, that is not the way to do it.

Don't Read John Green's The Fault In Our Stars

Just don't read it.
You will fall in love.
You will find yourself falling in love with the characters. And then it happens.

And then you'll sob.


So if you value your emotional health, don't read TFIOS.
But-

If you're in the mood for a good cry and have a weekend to yourself, read it. Read it and sob and laugh and anguish over the whole thing's existence.

Currently Reading...

Currently reading:
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause
Sweetblood by Pete Hautman

Currently listening to:
Twilight (Stephenie Meyer) as read by some really boring-voiced lady

Currently Writing:
Smitten (book 1 of 3)
Book Bitch scripts

The Future of the Book Bitch

The Youtube videos are coming back!
Very, very soon!
I'm working on a new series that will, hopefully, update twice per week.
More details to follow.

The Bitch will be back on Youtube soon!

For a short video showing off my office!
And my mobile library.
My next for reals review of a book on video will probably not be for another month however.
Details tomorrow in the video!

Scary Mary by S.A. Hunter

I've just finished reading Scary Mary, and I've got to say I wasn't impressed. That isn't to say that it isn't a decent book, because it is. In fact, if it had just a bit more editing, it would be quite good. But it has quite a few instances of Classic Hockings (that is, when there is very noticeably a random word missing in a sentence, and it's a word that really should be there) and many sentences that are a comma away from being grammatically perfect. 

The basic plot: Mary lives with her Gran, who tells fortunes and communicates with the dead for profit. Mary isn't really well liked at school because of this (and other reasons) and is called a freak. She starts to become friends with Cy, a new kid in school. Her rival, Vicky, a cheerleader, immediately starts plotting a way to separate the two, and eventually succeeds when Cy invites Mary over during a school dance. 

She decides to show Cy what a freak Mary is by coercing her into trying to channel River Phoenix on a Ouija board. They succeed in channeling a spirit, but it's definitely not River Phoenix. When the spirit turns out to be homicidal and Mary tries to warn Cy about this, he shuts her out. 

I won't give away anything further than that in case you want to read this book, but past that it gets extremely predictable and some of the references made are a bit dated. The teenagers don't really talk like teens (outside of some of the wild things that Mary tells her guidance counselor, who reads as more of a stalker than a guidance counselor) and the pacing is a bit wonky. 

Honestly, I probably will read the sequel at a later date, but overall this book was pretty forgettable. It was a nice little diversion, and definitely a good way to ease my way back into reading and reviewing for the general public, but it will not be making any top 10 lists of mine anytime soon, unless it's the top 10 meh books list.

Twilight and why I'm taking a youtube hiatus

So I dropped the ball with the Twilight reviews. I could see it coming, but I didn't wanna tell y'all because I thought I might still be able to do it.
I will still be updating this blog when I've got a new book reviewed, and eventually I will retry the Twilight series for reviews.
Until then, I welcome you to send me book suggestions.
If you are a writer and need a book review, an honest book review, send me an email with a .mobi or .epub copy of your book and I'll add it to my reading pile.
My email is youobviouslydidnttryatall@gmail.com
I'll read anything- well, I'll try at least.

The Twilight Two-Month Review Extravaganza Week One Schedule of Events:

March 1st:
Chapters 1-5 Commentary video posted

March 2nd:
Chapters 1-5 Commentary blog part 1 posted

March 3rd:
Chapters 1-5 Commentary blog part 2 posted
Chapters 6-11 Commentary video posted

March 4th:
Chapters 6-11 Commentary blog posted

Twilight Series Update!

I've made it through the first chapter of Twilight. Many bottles suffered. As did many trees. It's SO TERRIBLE, THOUGH.

I DO apologize most sincerely to those of you who would rather I just hurry up and be done with it and get on to more terrible examples of why not everyone can be a writer. I shall read something for you. Quite soon.

The Never-ending Twilight Review Pt 1: Initial Responses

So I read chapter one and the preface (I think she means prologue, but whatever, this is SMeyer we're talking about) and I've come to one conclusion:
Bella Swan is a bitch.
In the first chapter she describes another person as greasy and geeky, and then she goes on to monologue for three paragraphs about how she can't be arsed to remember names of her classmates, even though they've been kind enough to help her out.

Introduction to the Twilight Saga

Throughout my series on the Twilight Saga, I will be making short blog posts such as this one detailing something about my experiences with the series.
I first bought a paperback copy at Sam's Club about four months before the first movie was slated to be released. I didn't expect to like it.
And then the crack that those books are printed on kicked in.
I read that first book in less than a week. I bought the second one and devoured that one during a wake my family was attending.
Eclipse took me six hours to read, and then Breaking Dawn took almost six months.
The high from the crack that's in the paper for those books lasted for about a month.
And then I tried rereading the series and couldn't get past page three.

On Books I Never Finished Reading

I know there are a lot of purists out there that would insist that, in order to review a book, one must FINISH the book first. Quite obviously, based on my videos and textual reviews, I don't agree. I believe that one should finish the book if, and only if, it's actually interesting and actually compels one to continue on.
Having said that, it should be noted that I always attempt to finish a book before I finish a review. In some cases, however, this proves impossible. It's just how I am. I'll start reading a book, get halfway through, and declare it uninteresting and on my bookshelf (or iPad) it'll sit until I go to make room for new purchases.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was one such book. I got it on its release date and devoured PRECISELY half of it in about three hours, went to bed, woke up, and stuck it on the bookshelf after trying to read about four more pages and finding it completely uninteresting to me. And I had been enthralled just a few hours before.
Unfortunately, I know that I will be reading the entire books for at least the next five reviews.
But I also don't plan to hold back on the next five reviews.
Should start preliminary script writing for the Twilight review here in the next few hours. I anticipate this video to be a minimum of 15 minutes (script will be posted here for those too lazy to watch the video on youtube. Video may also be embedded here, haven't decided.) to a possible maximum of 45 minutes, depending on how in-depth I decide to get with my attack review

Next Review

Holy fucking shit, did I just seriously write a second blog post for this bitch? You bet I did.
I just wanted to announce that the Book Bitch's next review will be Twilight, followed by New Moon, and then going in order to the end. I will also review The Host by Stephenie Meyer at the end of all this, and be DONE with SMeyer's crap forever. There may or may not be a special about the movies at the end of the Twilight reviews. May or may not.

Unenchanted Review -- Part Two

So I want to preface this by saying that I stopped reading in the middle of a scene when last I read any of this book, and I don't remember what the hell was happening. Nor do I think that this book deserves me going back to reread and try to figure out what the actual fuck, so if the beginning of this one seems a touch muddled, that's the reason.
Mina-Sue's in like a basement or something with a bunch of stones. I don't know. God this book is boring. I've read work safe fan fiction that was more interesting than this.

Honestly, I'm done.
I'll start reviewing something else in a couple days.
Final progress on "Unenchanted" by Chanda Hahn:
50% completed

Final words on it:
Boring, predictable, Over-the-top mary sue, would not recommend. Not even going to write an amazon review because it would be a waste of my time.

Unenchanted Reactions and Review Part 1 of 2

Unenchanted - An Unfortunate Fairy Tale
By Chanda Hahn

Hello, I'm your book bitch.
I want to start this out by saying that I tried. I tried really hard, but I could not get into this book. You see, I wanted to read something I could actually enjoy so you could see that i don't hate ALL books, but the books I've been picking lately have all been so horrible that I just.... I can't like them.
And you know what?
That's okay. Because the happy reviews will come eventually. I've got some really awesome things planned for the near future on this channel, we just need to keep trudging onward through the crap.
So anyway, today I'm gonna talk about "Unenchanted - An Unfortunate Fairy Tale" by Chanda Hahn.
The story begins as we meet Mina and her possibly deaf little brother? As he wakes her just a bit too late for school because their home had suffered a power outage. I say possibly deaf as it isn't made quite clear whether her seven year old brother doesn't speak because of deafness or because for some other reason he just doesn't know how.
Mina realizes shes gonna be late for school, so instead of fleeing and trying to get there on time, she stands there and argues with her mom over a permission slip. Yes, dear author, they're generally called permission slips, not permission forms.
Throughout the book, the writing gives the reader the impression that the authors first language is not English, and that the author has not been speaking it for long.
There are many, many commas that don't make sense, there's a lot of just plain awful grammar, and the names are, to put it lightly, just a little strange.
Anyway, Mina finally rushes off to school, only to arrive as the bus for her class' big field trip to a bakery is pulling out of the parking lot.
Her friend Nan- didn't I tell you the names were weird- sees her chasing after the bus and opens her window to chastise her about not having a cell phone. Because dumb blond? I don't know too many best friends who would take so much time and joy in laughing at her friend about her lack of a cell phone as she obviously struggles to catch the bus.
About ten stupid whiny blond jokes later, she finally gets the driver to stop the bus so Mina can get on.
Did I mention that Mina is INSANELY unpopular and not very well liked by anyone, also clumsy but totally sweet?
From now on, I think I'll call Mina "Mina sue."
Anyway, at the bakery, Mina sue sees some weird shit going on between the tour guide and Brody, the object of her unrequited affection. So she does what any normal teen would do in this situation- she pushes him off a plot device! I mean, a catwalk over.... Something.
So I read the about the author, and apparently she's from Portland, well originally from Seattle. Also, she supposedly was a librarian. You would think a librarian would have a decent grasp of the English language, but apparently not.
Mina sue grabs his backpack strap as he's falling and manages to save him- for all of three seconds before realizing that she's small and not very strong, and so she starts sliding over the rails, too.
Thankfully, Nan actually uses her brain and grabs onto Mina sue, keeping her on the catwalk, but not by much. The rest of the class jumps in and together they save Brody's life. They hurry to end the tour and t he tour guide blames it all on the kids being rowdy and a cable snapping. Mmm, yeah, seems legit.
The next day her mom wakes her up early and she agrees to take some folder to Brody's house for her while her mom brings her brother to daycare. She then manages to get herself locked into the bathroom, making her late for school again.
Wilhelmina sue, of course, is thrown an assembly the next day which local media outlets attend simply to interview her. Naturally, Mina sue decides that she doesn't wanna do them because she'll fuck them up.
Personally, i agree. You don't deserve to be interviewed, Mina sue. Well, exempt maybe by the cops.
I call bullshit at the idea that multiple students would want her autograph after all that. Total bullshit. She's not a celebrity. Methinks the author has some need to live vicariously through a bumbling sue.

As someone who is still relatively fresh out of high school, I'll tell you now that most kids aren't that easily excitable. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the tragically bullied Mina sue probably would continue to be bullied following such an incident.
I should note, as it is well worth noting, that this review was written in real time, as I read the book.
It is revealed that Mina sues little brother is mute, but there's nothing wrong with him otherwise. Physically, at least.
OH WOW. ULTIMATE SUE. she's actually a Grimm, as in brothers Grimm, and there's some kind of curse that follows the grimms, killing them.
Naturally, I suspect that Mina sue is going to survive.
Naturally, Mina sue wants to face this problem head on. What next, we find out she's all powerful?
Ok so she's not all powerful, but suddenly the most popular and sexy boy in school is all eyes on her, giving her rides and stuff.
Someone with a wolf tattoo
She starts looking for a book called the Grimoire, which is some collection of stories of what her family has gone through in the past. Because reasons.
It does actually begin to get a bit more interesting and engaging when she tells Nan about the curse and the Grimoire, but quickly devolves into her stumbling around alone. Again.
Lets talk about this line: ...scattered dust particles everywhere. They were on her clothes and in the air making her sneeze, but she didn't care.

Who the actual fuck says DUST PARTICLES? IT'S FUCKING DUST.

There will be a part two to this blog. It's just gotten far too long.