Twilight Series Update!

I've made it through the first chapter of Twilight. Many bottles suffered. As did many trees. It's SO TERRIBLE, THOUGH.

I DO apologize most sincerely to those of you who would rather I just hurry up and be done with it and get on to more terrible examples of why not everyone can be a writer. I shall read something for you. Quite soon.

The Never-ending Twilight Review Pt 1: Initial Responses

So I read chapter one and the preface (I think she means prologue, but whatever, this is SMeyer we're talking about) and I've come to one conclusion:
Bella Swan is a bitch.
In the first chapter she describes another person as greasy and geeky, and then she goes on to monologue for three paragraphs about how she can't be arsed to remember names of her classmates, even though they've been kind enough to help her out.

Introduction to the Twilight Saga

Throughout my series on the Twilight Saga, I will be making short blog posts such as this one detailing something about my experiences with the series.
I first bought a paperback copy at Sam's Club about four months before the first movie was slated to be released. I didn't expect to like it.
And then the crack that those books are printed on kicked in.
I read that first book in less than a week. I bought the second one and devoured that one during a wake my family was attending.
Eclipse took me six hours to read, and then Breaking Dawn took almost six months.
The high from the crack that's in the paper for those books lasted for about a month.
And then I tried rereading the series and couldn't get past page three.

On Books I Never Finished Reading

I know there are a lot of purists out there that would insist that, in order to review a book, one must FINISH the book first. Quite obviously, based on my videos and textual reviews, I don't agree. I believe that one should finish the book if, and only if, it's actually interesting and actually compels one to continue on.
Having said that, it should be noted that I always attempt to finish a book before I finish a review. In some cases, however, this proves impossible. It's just how I am. I'll start reading a book, get halfway through, and declare it uninteresting and on my bookshelf (or iPad) it'll sit until I go to make room for new purchases.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was one such book. I got it on its release date and devoured PRECISELY half of it in about three hours, went to bed, woke up, and stuck it on the bookshelf after trying to read about four more pages and finding it completely uninteresting to me. And I had been enthralled just a few hours before.
Unfortunately, I know that I will be reading the entire books for at least the next five reviews.
But I also don't plan to hold back on the next five reviews.
Should start preliminary script writing for the Twilight review here in the next few hours. I anticipate this video to be a minimum of 15 minutes (script will be posted here for those too lazy to watch the video on youtube. Video may also be embedded here, haven't decided.) to a possible maximum of 45 minutes, depending on how in-depth I decide to get with my attack review

Next Review

Holy fucking shit, did I just seriously write a second blog post for this bitch? You bet I did.
I just wanted to announce that the Book Bitch's next review will be Twilight, followed by New Moon, and then going in order to the end. I will also review The Host by Stephenie Meyer at the end of all this, and be DONE with SMeyer's crap forever. There may or may not be a special about the movies at the end of the Twilight reviews. May or may not.