Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I Hate Myselfie Book Review Notes

Impressions on first couple of chapters/essays: Bad attempts at shock humor a la Denis Leary
He describes himself as a twat, which I would honestly tend to agree with
Okay the third one actually had me laughing.
Lisa is hilarious. Shane tries too hard.
The oddly sexual way he refers to his teenage self makes this a very uncomfortable read.
Abloobloobloo he had sympathy/guilt for his bully. Whatthefuckever.
Okay, why isn't the rest of this written as well as the essay about his grandma?
Birthday Suit was OK too I guess
Lol'd heartily at Internet Famous
How to Survive A Horror Movie was lame as fuck
He's way too sympathetic with everything.
"I think the devil is in me and I'm going to shit him out!"
Fuck you Shane Dawson I laughed way too damned hard at Strange Addictions
So he got fired from his job for doing something he shouldn't have been doing while on the clock and then got mad about it? Dumbass!
Astral Projection was lame
Just a Pretty Face was trying too hard
Leg Twin, more like dickcheese Dawson
Shocktuber was surprisingly thoughtful and well-written.
Ended on a meh note overall.

Friday, October 7, 2016

The Merciless 2 Notes

Been a few weeks, I've been busy, let's just get right into this, shall we?
Spoilers, duh.

Thrown right into the action with minimal explanatory exposition. YAY!
Sofia is fucked straight up after the events of the last book
Looks like Vega killed the mom in the first chapter. Good on you, Vega.
The grief is written heartbreakingly, but not believably.
Chapter 3 is painful as fuck.
Ugh. Gatsby. Fuck.
Sutton and Leena? Ok, miss Vega. You're officially the uberhipster.
"You look like you'd be good with a nail gun, Sofia..."
Bitch broke Leena's leg.
She killed Leena's dumbass bunny.
Can already see shit not ending well for Sof and Jude.
Holy shit she killed Leena.
She witnessed Jude getting whipped for the Lord and STILL thinks it's a good idea to tell him what she did.
Shit has hit the fan. What will Jude do?
Oooooooooh he's gonna torture her.
she broke her own arm. Ow. wtf.
Some unbelievable action. Wtf.
Heeeeeeeere's Johnny! ~ Jude @ Sis Lauren & Sof
So wait, Brooklyn did all the non-Jude depraved shit?
Oh. So she's crazy. Utterly insane.
Cop out + predictable.
Brooklyn is dead, Sofia is nuts, this book hit 100% lame in a damn hurry.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Survive The Night Review Notes

The Bitch is back, baby. Weekly reviews since mid-August now, Tingle Tuesdays verging on its third week, and Fanfiction Fridays starting up soon? Why not toss another weekly thing on myself! Fridays will also have me releasing one book/story/fanfiction's review notes. These are the notes I jot while reading so I can come up with a review.
THERE ARE SPOILERS. Especially in the first few of these.

Watch the review on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVuEKiUhIFc

Oh goodie. We open with exposition by the ton. At least it’s done a bit less cliché, well, except for the main character deciding to look in a damn mirror for description.
Oh goodie. It’s druggie Bella Swan. Casey Myrtle, who wears a turtle necklace.
I don’t give a fuck about these girls and I’m like 90% sure they’re not gonna matter after the beginning here.
Casey is an idiot, calling it now (page 5)
Why is “The Merciless” on the back cover?
Instantly dates itself by mentioning The Voice. Don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one.
The teen dialogue is believable. Vega understands how teens act, at least.
Shana: This show is the crap that crap craps out.
I like Shana.
Shana is obviously seen as a BAD GIRL™ and therefore must be ULTRA stereotype.
Page 21. “Fuck” is uttered. Perhaps there is hope for this one yet.
Danielle Vega’s stuff is oddly steeped in religious stuff. Not really weird, but odd to see in mainstream fiction.
Shana is Eviscerus wrapped in Ash’s mannerisms. (things that won’t make sense to most of the world haha)
Casey is in love with a band member in the worst named band I’ve ever heard of. “Feelings Are Enough.”
The dude named his riding lawnmower “Matilda.”
And hope is lost for Shana with one hokey speech.
There’s a rave called “Survive The Night.” And people atend it. Ooooooh so scare. *eyeroll*
So… this book is about stupid kids.
Casey is thinking with her dick.
I will give Vega this much: She does write an interesting, if cliché and trope-y, story.
Casey thinking with her dick immediately backfires. Shock, surprise.
Man cannot live on bread alone, Casey.
What about pancakes? (Page 67)
P69 they decide to be stupid for really reals.
We’re trapped down here until 5AM. Oh yeah. So cool. Best. Rave. EVER!!!
They play messy twister. Is this really what raves are like?
Feelings Are Enough is seriously the dumbest band name omfg
Oh good, Casey is drugged.
Because she was thinking with her dick.
Shana is a cunt. Shana drugged her.
I still love Shana.
She’s on acid or something.
Oh shit she’s drugged and just found her dead friend.
Oh shit, was it a hallucination? Did I get trolled by a book?
I STILL think Sam’s behind it.
Is Julie dead now or nah?
So graphic. Love it. Love.
She dead.
Omfg what cunts. Both Sam and Shana.
Wowwwwww. Casey has some terrible luck. She is hella unlucky when it comes to finding bodies.
They’re STILL fucked. They found a door filled with rats.
Aya got Darth Maul’d.
What the fuck.
I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going. (Page 198)
RIP in peace, Woody
And Shana’s dead
And Sam is too
Oh shit. Shana zombambo’d
Casey’s friendsies with Madison again?

Saturday, September 10, 2016

The B*tch is Back, Baby

I’m going to attempt to revive this blog. I don’t know if I’ll really have the time to do it, but it’d be kinda cool to be able to update you with the random shit I’m doing for the channel since I’m not big on twitter or anything. If nothing else, I’ll transcribe my book notes here so you can see my raw reaction to whatever shit I’m reading. Sound good?

I suppose this will also be a good spot for me to try to clarify what I say in my rants, as I know sometimes I am not all that clear. And it’ll be a good spot to actually announce theme months (such as December being Holiday-Themed Porn Month! Details coming soon).